Telling your partner that you’ve been unfaithful is never an easy conversation to have. If you’re ready to cop to an affair try one of these ways to say you cheated:

1. Come clean right away.

Don’t wait for an affair to go on for months or to get out of hand before you confess to your partner. Nip it in the bud and tell them about your affair right off the bat so you can control the situation and avoid getting caught later.

2. Break it to them gently.

The confessions of a cheater are never easy to hear. Try to soften the blow by choosing a private moment, sitting them, down, telling them that you love them, and then admitting to your affair. This soft approach can help to take some of the shock value out of a scandalous situation.

3. Blurt it out.

On the other hand, some people can’t handle the pressure of a well thought out situation and end up airing their cheating confessions at unexpected moments. You might be on your way to an event, doing things around the house, or about to leave for work and find yourself just blurting it out. It’s not the most smooth way of admitting to an affair but it works for a lot of people to just get it off their chest.

4. Do it with a grand gesture.

Your partner is going to be shocked and hurt when you admit to infidelity, so approach it with a huge apology ready to go. Have flowers or jewelry at your side and start by professing your love for them. They may be so swayed by your romantic and heartfelt gesture that they don’t get as furious as they might otherwise.

5. Deliver it with an ultimatum.

If you’re cheating because you’re unhappy in a broken relationship you might want to consider confessing to an affair while giving them an ultimatum. Tell them that you’ve been unfaithful to them and let them know that you’re going to continue unless they are prepared to step up and work on the relationship.

6. Say it as part of a breakup.

If you’re going to breakup with your partner you might want to also tell them about your affair all in one conversation. It’s a way to get your affair out in the open so they don’t find out later and get even more hurt than they are by being dumped.

7. Come prepared with a plan.

When you admit to cheating and tell your partner how you want to change your ways they will probably want you to be specific about how you plan to do that. Before you fess up think of a list of ways in which you’re prepared to work on the relationship and repent for your wrongdoings. It can be especially effective to write it down so they can see that you’ve really given it some thought and aren’t just making it up as you go.

8. Give them options.

You need to understand that when you tell your partner that you’ve cheated the next steps are up to them. Beat them to the punch and tell them that you know they have two options – either to leave you or try to find forgiveness. They’ll appreciate knowing that you’re aware of their power in the situation and it might help to change their mind about kicking you to the curb.

9. Wait until you get caught.

Some people think it’s crazy to tell their partner about an affair when they don’t have to. Lots of people would rather just wait until they are confronted about cheating by their partner before they confess to their infidelity. There’s always the chance that your partner won’t catch you and this can save you having to have a painful conversation.